How many times have I overheard women being told to be submissive, be quiet, defer to others, help someone out, or give of themselves? "Why don't you girls go help your mother in the kitchen, while the guys go watch football." I was never drawn to the kitchen, but this was what all my aunts did after every family meal, so I assumed that's what I should do too. If you are a woman, your identity has probably, in some way, been handed to you in the shape of helping people. Because of this, so many of us know ourselves only insofar as we are able to serve others. And while service can be beautiful and selfless and loving, it can also be impossibly small, and demeaning, and menial, and limiting, and empty, especially when it is forced upon us.
We, as women, are socialized to be small. We are taught to shrink, and be quiet, and to contort our vocations into limited, gendered roles that often don't fit who we are...all the while, contorting our bodies to slip into a size 4 so we look slim while doing it.
What if women took up more space? What if we followed our call rather than silencing it? What if we could listen to our own inner voices and actually believe ourselves? What if we were large and loud and filled up a room? As I've embarked on this professional journey in mental health, I have found a number of ways to defiantly, proudly take up space. This is an empowered, pep-talk-letter to myself as I continue my journey...may it inspire you on yours.
Dear Sarah,
Listen To Your Gut. Trust yourself. Believe yourself. Take big fat juicy space and spend lots of precious time getting into the depths of your soul, and then follow your own advice. Trust your instincts. Believe your intuition. Be intentional about knowing your own voice, and then listen to it.
Don't Apologize. How many times do you apologize for simply existing? How many times have you apologized for being present, or starting a conversation... "Oh, I'm so so sorry to bother you, but I was just hoping that maybe I might mention one tiny, little thing..." Nope. You have the right to your own thoughts and opinions. You have the right to speak them out loud. You have the right to be. Unless you actually do something that you are sorry for (in which case, be a decent human and apologize), there is no need for women to begin every sentence with, "I'm sorry, but...". Get over asking for forgiveness simply because you are human.
Stand Tall. Rather than hiding in the shadows, learn to walk down the center of the hallway, pick a spot in the front, and sit up in your chair. Make a conscious effort to throw your shoulders back, hold your head high, and move with confidence. Spread out, make big movements, throw your head back, laugh from your gut, dance when you want to, do lots of yoga, and feel strong in your body. You have the right to be where you are. Embody this right.
Speak Up. Yes, your opinions are valid, and helpful, and people should probably hear them. You have training, knowledge, expertise, and life experience, and other people (especially other women) need to hear about it. What you have to say is important, and the world benefits when you share.
Say No. You can't serve others, fulfill all of your roles, cultivate meaningful relationships, and do your job if you are not taking care of yourself. Sometimes this means saying no to the things that are draining and that take advantage of your precious time. Say no to letting others ignore your boundaries. Say no to being a doormat. Say no to doing your uncles' dishes. Put your foot down. Dig your heels in. Say no to all of the things that don't fill you up and give you life.
Give Yourself Permission. Allow yourself to be human. Be big and be loud and make huge, fat mistakes and fall down and run head first into brick walls. And then, pick yourself up and begin again. Do life. Do it as fully as you possibly can. Live abundantly.
Sincerely,
Your Inner Goddess