Mostly, if I’m honest, I’m just afraid right now. And sad. And finding myself becoming a tad obsessed with reading the latest headlines and statistics. I’m not feeling super creative or motivated. I am grieving and confused.
In the midst of this panic, I’m reminded that fear is ok. Sadness is ok. Pain is ok. These feelings are obviously not preferred or desired, but they are ingrained in the human experience, they are part of what it means to be alive. The question becomes, how can I be with this fear and sadness and pain, attend to this fear and sadness and pain, while not forgetting who I am and what I value?
Because here’s the truth: pandemic or not, times of need or times of plenty, threatened or safe, wealthy or broke, paralyzed with fear or comfortable in my privilege; there are ways that I want to live my life that I will not compromise. I’m not talking about daily habits or visiting favorite bars - those are the little things that quickly fall to the wayside as we choose health and safety over comfort. I’m talking about core components of my person-hood that I will not forget despite all of the changes in my routine and activities.
Friends, this is the rainy day. This is the shit hitting the fan. This is the proverbial rubber meeting the road.
And we are all terrified.
BUT if I am being faithful to how I am trying to live my life, then this is the time where shit gets real. This is the time where our guiding values become the lights in the midst of great darkness. This is our time to shine.
Photo by Adam Miller
A few of these guiding values for me are:
Love wins. I can feel flooded with fear, and sadness, and terror, and pain, and grief. AND in my life, I still choose to act in love.
Generosity is a balm to my festering habit of hoarding and selfishness.
Listening with empathy helps to heal my obsessiveness (even if listening is done through tele-communication!).
Less is more. Slowing down, turning off, being present, and cultivating simplicity are all treasured gifts.
These are the distant lights at the end of my tunnel right now. These are my North Stars.
Yes, I am afraid. AND can I still make choices that allow love to take precedence in my life? Yes, I am terrified. AND can I still choose generosity? Yes, I am mindlessly reading everything on Reddit sometimes. AND can I decide to shut it down and listen to my clients, friends, and family without distraction? Yes, it is painful to be stuck at home. AND can I value quiet and space with mindful attention to what I might learn?
My only hope in writing this is to simply whisper in your ear:
Remember who you are. Do not be distracted or pulled off course. For as long as the journey lasts, always move toward your North Stars.
I’ll leave you with some beautiful words from Ken Sehested:
We must be prepared.
Things are likely to get worse before they get better.
We must listen to the news, from a variety of sources.
But we must not draw our bearings from that news. Ours is a larger horizon.
We must be prepared to take emergency action,
to go completely out of our comfort zones,
in resisting the Powers-and-Principalities’ sway over current events.
In the meantime, however, we must not neglect our common duties:
• to care for those close, especially our young ones, in guiding them toward a life commitment to empathy, simultaneously brave and humble;
• to care for neighbors, for friends and acquaintances and co-workers;
• to be faithful in communities of faith, in whatever form that takes, to listen for and proclaim the Word’s invitation and direction;
• to building a culture of peace in the zip codes, the watersheds, the time zones, in which we live and with special attention to and advocacy for those who presently have no seat at the table of bounty;
• to risk the status we have been given in the world as is present on behalf of the world that is promised.
In light of these and an endless list of other similar commitments, we plead: Lord have mercy on our frail appeal; and grant what we need for the living of these days.