At the beginning of this month, I removed all social media apps from my phone – Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter. Wheeewww. Commence withdrawal symptoms. Commence FOMO!
I didn’t close my accounts and I didn’t stop checking all together (I’m not that austere), but I wanted to take the apps off my phone so that I didn’t have the constant distraction of notifications and the never-ending scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. The idea was that when I am on social media, I want to really be on social media. I want to be intentional about sitting down at my computer and making a post or catching up on the cute things my niece and nephew are doing. And then, when I’m not on social media, I don’t want the temptation of mindless stimuli.
Immediately following this decision, I attended a well-intentioned meeting about the strategies that businesses need to get likes and follows and claps and pins and engagement. The conversation was all about how we can sell our “brand” and get our name out there! But more importantly, it was about how we BECOME our brand (Enter Big Brother).
I couldn’t help thinking about being plugged into the matrix. The complexities that we put ourselves through, the mental jumping jacks, and physical energy it takes to keep up appearances like this. This isn’t to say that social media is wrong. I enjoy it in many ways. I am grateful for the connections and information available to me. But unfortunately, social media sites can often become platforms to package, market, and sell ourselves to the next follower. It often leaves me feeling empty. Like I’m working too hard on my veneer with nothing behind the shiny surface.
Cell Phone Addiction
As I try to observe myself in this experiment of removing social media from my phone, it’s interesting that I find myself reaching for it when I feel certain things. I am finding that the itch to grab for my phone is often involuntary, and has become an ingrained reaction. I reach for the device out of habit, especially when I feel uncomfortable emotions.
My Triggers
Anxiety – I go to social media when I feel nervous, worried, or anxious. When I am worried about something, rather than working with this feeling or sitting with it, I find myself wanting a distraction from it. To turn away from the anxious feelings, I find myself turning toward my phone. But this actually ends up increasing my anxiety because everyone else is doing ALL THE THINGS and I’m not, and my life is so boring, and I’m alone, and I must be missing all the fun, and nothing I do matters…aaaand you see where this is going… The Fear of Missing Out (or FOMO) is a real thing. It goes like this: I see what everyone else on the internet is doing, and suddenly my real life seems less appealing, kicking up more anxiety, and creating a vicious cycle.
Boredom – Somehow, it is now standard practice that my mind must always be busy or entertained. Therefore, when I’m bored, I scroll. But the reality is that boredom is part of life. Finding ways to fully experience boredom along with all our mental states is just part of the work of being human. In fact, giving ourselves permission to be bored can lead to some pretty awesome benefits. Studies suggest that boredom actually fuels creativity and daydreaming, allowing our minds to wander free.
Emotional Suffering – When I am sad, I scroll. I don’t want to feel my feelings. I want to feel other people’s feelings, because everyone on my feed is always happy, right?? Mindful self-compassion says that it’s ok to feel down. It’s ok to be in the muck sometimes. The questions is, can I be with these uncomfortable feelings? Can I observe what’s happening in my heart and soul and body, and have compassion on whatever I find? Can I say yes to what is, instead of pretending that it’s not there?
Cell Phone Use and Mental Health
I find myself reaching for my phone in all of these instances. Like an addiction. But the irony is that scrolling doesn’t actually help. In fact, there’s A LOT of evidence that says that our cell phone use directly contributes to increased mental illness. Research demonstrates a direct correlation between time spent on a cell phone, and rates of depression and anxiety. In fact, young adults who spend five or more hours per day on their devices are 71 percent more likely to have one risk factor for suicide.
Let that sink in:
More cell phone time = more anxiety
More cell phone time = more depression
That’s scary given that when I look around at a restaurant or in a store, almost everyone is on their phone!
The Joy of Missing Out (JOMO)
What if instead of the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), we could celebrate the Joy of Missing Out (JOMO)? In other words, what if we could actually, fully experience the joy of this present moment, right here, right now, instead of living in fear that there is something better out there somewhere on the internet? What if we could find joy in our lives, exactly as they are? How can we be with and attend to the feelings that push us to reach for our phones? What if we could care for ourselves in those moments instead?
Furthermore, what if we didn’t have to package and sell ourselves? What if we could drop all the filters and sparkles and touch ups and photo shopping and just. be. who. we. are.
4 Tips for Healthy Screen Use
Here are just a few practices that I am trying to implement to help me unplug. In trying these things, I’ve certainly found more space in my head and my heart. More capacity to be in the present moment. These are just a few recommendations based on my little self-experiment:
Keep a schedule – Know when you’re checking your phone and when you’re doing other things. Stick to that schedule. When you’re checking social media, really check social media. When you’re not, don’t. Research says that two hours of cell phone use per day is about the tipping point for when we start to see the negative mental health impacts. Use this tip as a guiding principle, and figure out a plan that works for you.
Put phones away at dinner or when spending time with friends – When you’re with your people, BE with your people. Don’t be with someone else’s people on their perfectly filtered feed. Invest. Be here now. Practice really listening to your friends’ stories, really tasting the food that you’re eating, and really being in your body.
Turn off push notifications – The red icons that pop up next to your apps and the sounds our phones make literally prompt little pings of dopamine that fire up our brains and push us toward reacting. We get the reward of social approval and recognition, and it’s quite literally similar to how our bodies respond to drugs. Experiment with your phone and turn off the notifications that aren’t filling you up.
Don’t take your phone to bed – I’m still working on this one, but I think it’s worth mentioning. Leave your phone in another room when you sleep. The lights from your phone (even the most minimal light) disrupts your sleep cycle. Plus, knowing that the phone is right there can trigger anxiety about what you might be missing online. Research says that checking social media on your phone 30 minutes before bed or less causes sleep disturbances. A good, old-fashioned alarm clock is one of the best $10 investments you can make.
These are just a few things that I’m trying to become more awake to my life. How about you?
How are you practicing the joy of missing out?