Blogging about blogging is by far one of the worst things. So, I'll spare you the details of my recent lack of writing. Suffice it to say, winter has brought a quietness with it that has nestled right down into my heart space resulting in a marvelous lack of words. And I've been sitting with the quiet like a new, warm blanket.
2015 was a glorious year of adjustment. It came with warm bursts of sun and song, along with times of squirming discomfort. I moved to a brand new city, I traveled to Mexico and Mozambique and Chicago and Orlando and Tampa, I painfully left a job that I loved but that had become toxic, I grieved loss, I started a brand new position full of brand new challenges, I recorded a new album, I made new friends, and I fell head over heels in love as if for the first time. I look back in awe and wonder. And mostly, I look back in gratitude and a new found contentment.
The silence I hold in me now seems less about the details of what has happened to me, and more about who I am becoming in the midst of these happenings. Everything changes. Everything. In an instant. It's all temporary. It's all passing. Life is fleeting. This year showed me that jobs come and go, we move to new places and see the world leaving behind only fading footprints, our hearts recede and then swell again like waves in an ocean. And in the midst of change, there is some small drop of divinity within each of us that points back to a larger constant.
What can be done about all of this change? What can be done about all of our fluctuating humanity? We can fight and push back and struggle. We can strive and elbow our way along, trying to control and predict and keep ourselves safe. We can close off and protect our hearts. We can scream and kick and say no.
Or we can quietly just let go. We can say yes. We can feel it all. We can welcome each experience like a guest. We can release the white-knuckled grip on our lives and let the moments wash over us with radiant joy. I think this quietness is my letting go. It's simply my very human attempt to be present and open and full of yes.
